I'm impatient

My parents said I’m strong enough to be able to go through all my problems I'm having right now without losing my mind. But they are just wrong. I’m not strong. It’s just a mask I put in front of everyone else because I have to. I don’t like to be judged as weak. I can cry but I don’t like the feeling I get when I cry in front of others. It’s pathetic. And yes, this is the reason why I laugh like there is no tomorrow with my friends. But inside, no one knows how exactly I feel.

I understand some other people go through much bigger problems compared to my problems. My problems may appear as nothing compared to theirs. Like some of them, they don't have money to buy what they want. Those who don't have a parents. Those who are homeless. Yes, I should be thankful that I have everything.

Yeah, you can call me a drama queen now.

It's been a horrible week for me. Absolutely horrible. Nothing seems to be going right and it feels like nothing IS gonna be right.It's just so depressing. It's crazy, really. I'm the only one who hasn't had a good week. And I guess it's kinda rubbing off on me. All this depression and negativity is just really at it's peak now. Sigh. I really feel horrible.

I hate to say this but I just dont know what to do! The thing is I just cant study at my school anymore, I've reached my expiry date. I need a place to start over :\ Really. I'm sick of my classmates. Well, some of them. Most of them are chinese though. I'm not being racist here, no.
For me, it’s not the race, it’s not the religion, it’s not the skin color, it’s the person, the people.

I haven't been controlling myself. When I get sad, I get too sad. When I love, I love too much. When I get angry, the anger would swallow me whole. I guess, this has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a lazy person. Lazy and ignorant. So I hate to take control over anything. It's just so much easier to neglect everything and do whatever I want to do.

I guess I should stop complaining and try to focus on my studies.