I know I haven't been updating my blog like for a long time already. Nah don't worry. I won't be closing the tabs on this one again. I go completely blank when it comes to writing. I just can't write. I only know how to express myself. That is it.
So..

I have now started thinking about wearing the hijab full time. Yup, I only wear tudung when I go to school. I told my parents bout this and they have come to be supportive of me. Well but not to my sisters, they seem like not to agree with this. Of course I wouldn't not wear the hijab because of the reactions of my friends, but that's something that also makes me nervous. Well, I admire so much women who choose to dress modestly and wear the hijab, I think it is so beautiful and admirable. 

But to come to think of it, I'm actually not ready to wear hijab full time yet. But If I free-hair in school, the teachers will ask this and people will start shitting me. But If I didn't free hair-I will start doubting myself and asking this questions in my  mind. Like, few days ago. I went to my aunty's tahlil and there were two kids asking me why am I not wearing hijab. They are only like what....8 years old. It's like somedays, I wanna wear but then other days, I don't think I'm ready. I don't know what is there to be ready. But really, thinking how much sins I had everyday, I went out without hijab , how many boys looked at me and they also had sins because of me. It's miserable.

I shouldn't worry about this anyway but it would be a big life change for me I feel. Anyhow, even Allah mentioned in Qur'an that Hijab is required to wear when you have reached puberty. It doesn't matter if I feel it awkward. I still, need to wear it. It's like hijab is an obligation upon all Muslim women and Muslim girls. :|